Friday, March 7, 2014

Friendships (by Monique)

I have mentioned that I don't write enough for this blog. That is true! The biggest reason I guess is defining what I'm going to write for this one, and what I'm going  to write for my personal one. I think I figured it out this week through a conversation with Jenny.

We were talking this week about living our lives, and how we have to rely on each other instead of the rest of the world. The three of us have been through some pretty horrific shit, but what we have in common is that we want to be defined by our own terms and not by the things that happened to us. We're not crazy, not stupid, not dumb or ignorant. We take responsibility for our own recoveries, and that means we are going to know our limitations better than anyone else.

This scares the general public sometimes. People really like us and want to protect us from ourselves. While the three of us are very much social butterflies, we are going to push ourselves to the limit of what we can do whether you like it or not. This doesn't mean we're going to overdo it or be unreasonable. This means that we're going to continue to challenge ourselves to be the best we can be.

And it has worked  for us. Maybe this is the part that people don't understand. Doctors told Amy she wouldn't be able to bend her knee again. If Amy didn't take charge of her own life, she wouldn't be running now. It's not that the doctors were stupid, it's just that she knows her injuries better than even they do. She didn't overdo it, she just learned her injury so well that she persisted until she overcame it. She still has problems with her arm - I'm not saying that Everything can be healed, but she has done better than anyone thought possible because she took control.
Jenny's still in the gym. I'm walking, and am continuing to regain more than anyone thought possible.
I'm not kidding, we ALL are doing more than anyone thought possible. Not because we're miracles, but because we stay focused on what's important.

But I gotta tell you, when I'm unsure about things, be it my injury or my life, I turn to these girls. They trust me completely that I know my life and am doing the best I can. They'll let me know if something I'm doing is dumb and I trust that. But they don't arbitrarily tell me I can't do things or that I'm pushing too hard. And that's what Jenny and I were talking about. We rarely need feedback from anyone, but when we do, we can trust each other to believe in ourselves instead of others who sometimes react in their own fear for us. Heck I'm actually in a crazy whirlwind of emotions right now and not sure what path to take or who I can really trust, if things are really believable, but just talking to Jenny grounds me enough to remember I can trust myself. Life isn't always straightforward with a clear path but I'd rather live it than wait around to die. My choices may not always be the safest, but they're always what's best for me. If I need to talk something out to understand it better, I do it with these girls because I know they're not going to limit me or tell me to stop. They'll help me figure it out in my head to continue making the best choices I can make for me.

So that's what this blog is going to be about for me - the people in my life that have helped me not by being controlling, but by being a good resource.

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