Jenny-Being a parent is like wearing your heart on your sleeve...

Being a parent is like wearing your heart on your sleeve.  I've heard this saying most of my life but didn't really understand it until I had children.  It's so hard to see children fall, and not be able to catch them.  But maybe it's not our job to catch them.  It's our job to teach them how to fall and to get back up.  As parents we aim to raise independent, bright children who think for themselves.  I went to college with people who didn't know how to wash their own clothes.  Which shocked me because my mom and dad taught us everything about life (excluding cutting the grass and car maintanance!) So I'm determined to teach my children as much as we can to prepare them for life.  I'm trying really hard to not control everything and to be okay with that fact.  But it's hard when things happen to kids.  It's hard not being able to prevent all the falls in life.  That being said I've had another setback.

First, I should say that Ava is fine. But here's what happened. On Thursday, Ava and I were off to soccer, she was thinking about what the team name was going to be and daydreaming about playing.  Ava was holding her soccer ball and I was holding a bunch of water and my purse.  We were in a parking lot and I told Ava a truck was coming and to stay on my right side.  She heard me but I say things so often she doesn't always listen, do any of us listen all the time? Then I heard the ball hit the ground. I screamed and turned sharply towards Ava on my right, to grab her but she wasn't there.  She ran in front of the truck to chase her ball.  I flipped to my left side praying she didn't get hit.  There she was an inch from the bumper.  Thank God the driver was able to stop in time and was paying attention. It's was awful and overwhelming to think just that fast I could have lost her.

Will it be the last time something happens to one of my kids, no, unfortunately. We can't protect them from everything.  But it's so hard not to want to bubble wrap them and let them go a little bit. When I moved so quickly to find Ava I injured my muscles. I wasn't sure if I ripped my new lead so I ended up having to get checked out at the hospital. All is good, I didn't rip it but it's hard trying to parent with a body that is not 100 percent. I'm working on it and need to rest a few more weeks.

Today marks 6 weeks since my lead replacement surgery. I'm going to try really really hard to not break it again.  But with two kids and life I'm not sure if that's completely possible!  But I'm going to try!  It's frustrating having constant setbacks and I'm looking forward to getting back to normal life.  I miss the gym so much!!! But I'll have to start back slowly.  I still have a hard time walking past the weights because I miss lifting so much.  But I think I will be able to run again.  I'll find out more in a few weeks during my post surgery checkup. Until then I'm going to eat really clean and try to learn to sit still. It's not easy ya'll !

I was talking to Monique last night about everything that has happened for the past year for both of us.  We've spent a year recovering. In a few weeks it will be our year anniversies since her accident and my open heart. We were in the ICU at the same time, she was in Lafayette and I was in Houston. A year of rehabbing and surgeries, and successes and setbacks.  But we press on, we move forward, because we don't have another choice.  Because it doesn't occur to us to quit.  We wouldn't have it any other way. We are recovering because we're type A and when we set our mind to do something we make it happen.  No matter what.  But both of us have to extend our internal deadlines for some of these things that we want to do physically  In my head, I'm a 18 year old runner, but my body won't let me do exactly what I want, yet.  I'm going to try the best I can to get back where I want to be. But patience isn't a virtue I have conquered yet!!

Trying my best to focus to changing the things I have control over and accepting the things I can't change.  I'll get back in shape as soon as I am able to run again.  It's a journey but I see the light at the end of the tunnel now.  So thankful for my life and this year. It's taught me that nothing is perfect, but we're all trying to do the best we can.