Sometimes when God closes a door, he nails the windows closed too!

     

Hi everyone...I want to apologize for my unexpected hiatus! After the last court date I wanted to take a week or two off to gather my composure and get a clearer picture of things, then I had some unforeseen health issues come up. With all that behind me, I wanted to tell you what I've learned, because I was delightfully surprised to find that something could actually be gleaned from all this!

     First, I was completely disgusted with the sentence given to Derek Perilloux, the man who nearly killed my daughter and myself because he chose to drive with a blood alcohol content of 0.16. House arrest is too good for a man who inflicted over $1,000,000 in insurance costs alone, not including my $45,000 vehicle he totaled and taking my nursing career from me! So, I thought..."what would be enough? Would ANYTHING really hurt as bad as the pain he's caused us?!?"... I decided there was NOTHING that could do that!!! No earthly sentence will ever do justice to the pain this man has caused my daughter, my family, my very LIFE! So, to him I say "karma is a BITCH! You'll get yours and no court, no victim like myself will have to make her impact statement to ensure your punishment".

     I didn't reach those conclusions easily. I went home from court that day completely disgusted. How could this happen?!? Why wasn't a harsher sentence imposed?As a person who always looks for the "signs" around me, I couldn't understand what could possibly be learned by all this! After weeks of deliberation, I came to one conclusion: this wasn't God's punishment, but that of a court filled with flawed, imperfect humans imposing what THEY thought was "good enough". Why wasn't God there to let me know things would be worked out somehow, some way? Because sometimes, we have to go on blind faith. We can't have the answers all the time, that would be too neat, too tidy. Sometimes shit happens, and you just need to hang on for dear life with all you have and trust that even though you have no control over the circumstances, things WILL even out in the end.

     Needless to say, I didn't wanna accept this. I felt so alone, so deserted. So many of you have told me how strong you think I am, how "inspirational" my story is. I wasn't feeling inspirational...I felt like a failure. I'm a control freak who has to have everything just so. Things and people outta my hands make me uneasy. Then, it dawned on me...maybe that was why I had the accident to begin with. Sometimes things, people we love, need to be taken from us, because they aren't right for us, and maybe so we know how much we can handle on our own, how strong we are. Without coming out of our "bubbles of comfort", we never truly know what we can do.

     You've heard people say "Sometimes, when God closes a door, he opens a window"? After these last few weeks, I say "sometimes God slams the door in your face and nails any possible alternative exits closed to prevent any hope of possible escape from the shitty clusterfuck in which you find yourself!!!"! You're stuck like chuck and MUST accept that which you naturally resist! Now, this is the part where everything came together for me! I felt alone, "woe is me, it sucks to be me sometimes".  Then, I naturally thought back on other difficult moments in my life, to remember how I got through...times where I only THOUGHT it sucked to be me because of surrounding conditions, but have been lucky enough to work through. I concluded that sometimes, when God locks me up to swallow my medicine, he gives me amazing people to help me through! I suddenly realized that all those times I thought I was alone when I was younger, I had my parents, big sisters and big brother to guide me through. In grammar school and high school, I had my best friend, Lizzie, to pull me through. Sometimes, after I got sick with my autoimmune disease then had my accident, when I had to have surgery after surgery, I had Jen to cheer me up and 
make me step back to see how lucky I am that my heart works the ways it's supposed to! And when it seemed that my family and friends were out of reach, I had my fiancé, and the best man I've ever known, Kevin, holding my hand through it all. I've also had all of you, telling me how brave I am. But, I want you to know,  I'm not brave, just extremely hard-headed and incredibly blessed with people who love me enough to make sure I get through it all! 

       The conclusion? No matter how our situations differ, just about all of us are lucky enough to have a handful of people we can always count on. We are never REALLY alone. Life sucks and, inevitably, we will all, at some time or another, feel that we are alone. It might seem we've somehow been foresaken, but even  windows that are nailed shut aren't shatter proof! It's just a matter of having people who love you enough, know you well enough, to help you break through them! When caged like an animal, fight back like one! Thanks to my awesome family, best friends-Liz and Jen, and especially my sweet angel, Kevin...and to all of you, without whom none of these important lessons could be learned! I love you all!!!

Monique, Etc

It's Wednesday afternoon, and Our Heroine is Proudly Watching her amazing Son train for swimming races. She has this week Conquered Setbacks, overcome Adversity, and has braved Many New Experiences. She has Relearned how to continue Forward and not be held back by the Chaotic nature of Life. She says, "Nolite Le Bastardes Carborundum!"

If it can happen to us, it can happen to you!!! Please, please READ THIS, and send any and ALL suggestions to me!!!!

       When someone else's irresponsible choices hurt you, or nearly kill you, you should be allowed to have some closure. You should be allowed to rebuild your life as best you can with the pieces you have left. On December 31, 2011, My daughter and I were hit in a head-on collision by a drunk driver named Derek Wade Perilloux. He had a BAC of 0.16; 0.08 is considered intoxicated. 

       At the last court date, the judge told him he would receive 5 yrs., 4 yrs of which would be suspended, and one year which had to be served in jail. Today,  however, he received one year house arrest, 3 or 4 yrs. of probation, and $1000 restitution for the over $900,000 of surgeries I've received over the last year and a half. THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!! This man has had 4-5 DUIs, but was allowed to plead an article that reduced the charges, so his insurance wasn't informed of his many, many indiscretions. He was also charged with drug paraphernalia possession in 2010, which has somehow gone missing from his record as of today???

        What happened to my daughter and myself can happen to YOU and YOUR CHILD!!! Please imagine for a moment, that this accident had happened to you. You've had 14 surgeries over the last year and a half, you've lost your car and your job as a registered nurse because a drunk driver drove into your lane and hit you head-on. You are struggling financially with the mess that someone else's life choices brought into your life!!! You've lost your home, and your 3 children have been yanked from the only private school they've ever known, to attend public schools because you've lost your job and can't afford their tuition. My life as I knew it, is over. This man was not made to serve ANY jail time for this crime. This was not a victimless crime!!! I've gone to every court appearance to advocate for my daughter and myself, so our story could be told, and this man could be taken off the streets. He doesn't deserve to drive or have a license. He shouldn't e allowed to move on with life as usual...I can't, and my daughter can't!!! 

       The judge told him at the last court appearance that he had to serve one year jail time. Today, however, when it was announced he would serve one year house arrest, the assistant DA said nothing to correct it. She stood by, knowing fully well that the judge had said he must serve one year, and did not remind her of that fact. Instead, she stood by while the judge mistakenly charged him with one year house arrest. You are not immune to these events. They can happen to you, especially now that he'll be out on the streets again. The assistant DA did not advocate for my daughter and me, and I will do all I can to ensure that the BAR association is made aware of her misconduct. If anyone has any ideas or comments that might help, please, please email me!!! We must do something to make these people accountable for their actions, or this could all happen to you!!!

Monique- L8 on my post! - Friday Update, and Mr. Percy

The link: Friday Update, and Mr. Percy

It was rough to write, it'll probably be rough to read.

ALSO, there's THIS EVENT that is about running the NOLA RnR Half Marathon (or full if you prefer!) with me next year. Lafayette's also doing it 's first annual marathon a month after, so either one!

Have an awesome week!

Amy- You'll hear many voices...your success is determined by the one you choose to listen to!

       Throughout our lives, we have that little voice in our heads, telling us to do the right thing, telling us we can or can't go on. We also hear other people in our heads. Now, I'm not talking about being schizophrenic or delusional...if you have arguments with the voices in your head, I'm gonna suggest you seek help from your nearest mental health professional! I'm talking about hearing the voice of our mom or dad, telling us we can cross the finish line, we can ace that test. Ever since I was a little girl, my parents have told me "you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to!". Every time I'm facing a difficult task, I hear their voices telling me that. We may also hear the voices of friends or other family encouraging us. Sadly, some of us have been in abusive relationships, and hear the voices of our abusers telling us we're worthless, "why would anyone want you?!?", "you're nothing but a _______(fill in the blank)!!"...yes, I have much personal experience with those voices myself! We hear many voices in day-to-day life and when we struggle with an ordeal. We'll HEAR many voices through our lives, but our success or failure is dictated by which ones we LISTEN to.

       For me, the worst thing someone can do is to tell me I can't do something. I always take that as a personal challenge to prove them wrong, and fight all the more so I can tell them "told you I could do it!". Right after I had my accident, I told y'all I was in and out of consciousness. I'd hear the doctors in my ICU room telling my parents "we don't know if she's gonna make it"; my spleen had ruptured and something ridiculous like 4 Liters of blood had been sucked outta my abdomen in surgery (I rec'd 15 units of blood throughout hospitalization). Once again, I took that as a personal challenge, and hung on with everything in me. When I got past those first 48 hrs., my chance of survival greatly increased. Now the attention was placed on my arms and legs and how functional I would be if I DID live through it. I heard the docs telling my family "we don't know if she'll be able to walk again". My parents, ever the optimists, and knowing me and how hard-headed I am, told the doctor "you don't Amy Marie! She'll be running before all this over!". My parents said the docs looked at them like they were crazy, heartbroken parents who couldn't accept the fact that their daughter, as they knew her, was gone. 

       After the first 11 or 12 surgeries, I was in so much pain; and for the first time in my life, I doubted I could get through it. The first voices I remember were my family cheering me on, telling me I'd been hit by a drunk driver but Bailey and I were  gonna be ok. I remember coming to and just writhing in pain. I mouthed something to my mom, and she leaned in closer and said "what baby? I can't hear you?". I said " it hurts too much... I can't do this anymore". She looked at me with a very worried and heartbroken expression and said "NO! Don't say that! We need you to hang on for us!". She went to the nurses station and had a Shirley MacLaine-style breakdown like the one in " Terms of Endearment"! She told the nurse "she said she can't do this anymore!!! She's hurting too much to hang on... YOU get in there and give her something to help her pain so she can keep going!!!", then she came in the room and told me they were coming to give me medicine. Being the drill sergeant she is, she then said " DON'T you give up, Amy Marie!!! You CAN and WILL do this...failure is not an option!!! Think of your kids, of your brother and sisters! And what about me and daddy?!?". Then the nurse came in with heavy drugs and I stopped wishing for death! Listening to the right voices, at the right time, can make you or break you!

       Over the next few weeks, doctors, nurses and occupational and physical therapists came in and out of my room. Some of them would tell me how amazing it was that I survived, how I was "lucky", or "blessed". As I progressed, they saw the effort I put into therapy, how hard I tried to do anything and everything the docs allowed me to do, and they told me how proud they were; that pushed me to try harder. We sometimes don't realize the positive impact our kind and encouraging words have on someone who may be struggling to keep going; keep that in mind the next time you see someone who could use a kind word. Your words may mean the difference btw life and death for that person!

       Unfortunately, vindictive people may also try to tear you down at your most vulnerable. A month and a half after my accident, the guy I'd been seeing for over a year broke up with me. He said it wasn't the accident, and maybe it wasn't, but it sure felt like it was when he texted taunting things to me. When he heard my present boyfriend, Kevin (now fiancé) and I were talking, he said "what kind of loser is HE that he wants to date a woman who can't even walk?!?". That was one of those confusing times, when someone you care about tells you something that completely conflicts with the person you thought they were. I'm a person who really tries to find good in everyone, even people who aren't nice to me. I know that sounds naive, but I believe if someone is that miserable that they need to go outta their way to hurt me, they must not have been treated very nicely as kids. If it makes them feel better, fill some void in their lives, to be mean to me because someone was mean to them growing up, then so be it. I figure they've got much bigger problems than I do if they have to go that far! I still try to see the good in everyone, despite how they treat me. This was one of those rare moments when what someone said really hurt me, and it was hard to let it roll off my back. I was broken... physically, emotionally and spiritually. If a person you love can say that to you at the worst and lowest point in your life, they don't love you, and you don't need them in your life! When someone loves you...REALLY loves you...they want you to feel good about yourself! They see your beauty despite scars and broken bones. Kevin found out what my ex said , and said "that's ok...HE'S the fuckin' the loser for not realizing what he was throwing away! I'M lucky!".

       Although it hurt, I'm glad my ex said those things. It pissed me off enough to stop crying and feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't stand on my legs for 4.5 months after the accident, but I laid in my hospital bed in my parents' living room and worked out in bed. I did leg lifts, crunches, and after my broken ankles healed enough, I put ankle weights on and sat on the edge of the bed and did quad curls. It hurt like hell, especially since I'd had a piece of hip bone removed and grafted to my right ankle, but I pushed through the pain so I could be myself again. I couldn't stand in front of a mirror, so I laid my legs in front of me to see how much muscle tone I needed to gain back, and how my scars looked. I wasn't ever gonna give anyone the opportunity to tell me how much "better" I looked "BEFORE the accident"!

       My recovery was long and hard, but only possible because of the supportive people around me. People tell me what an "inspiration" I am, but I don't see it that way. Actually, I laugh a little on the inside when someone tells me how brave I am, and my mind immediately rewinds to the times I've just broken down and cried, sobbing about all I've lost because of this damn accident! I wonder what people would say if they could see me at those times; would they still tell me I'm an inspiration? I'm not sure, but I DO know that I see  my family, and Kevin, as the voices who made me strong when I wanted to break; giving me pep talks when I wanted to have a wimpy girl breakdown and abandon all hope. The way they believed in me, and assured me I could be myself again, is the only reason I didn't accept the mediocre standards my docs had set for me. I wanted to be the girl that you couldn't tell had been through hell and back...that chick in a bikini on the beach, that u sit down next to, never knowing the disfiguring scars and breaks that lie beneath! As the chick in "1965"  (white zombie) says, "I  never TRY anything, I just DO it! Wanna try me?!?". I may have broken nearly every bone in my body, but I'm still the chick who pushes the envelope a little further, and I don't "try", I DO...whatever I have the whimsy to do, including walking around the house in my pleather thigh high boots, just for a laugh and to make myself feel a little sexier and in control of the life that hasn't resembled MY life for quite some time! Only YOU can determine your own potential, and only you can determine your boundaries. Who do you know that gets to be close enough to whisper those words of condescension or words of encouragement? How will you recognize them? Only you can decide... Choose wisely my friends! 

       

Amy- Sooooo tired of fighting!!!

       I'm tired of this nightmare...can I wake up now? Or at least switch to one with an easier theme, like being chased by satan and his rabid hounds of hell?!? I have been drowning these last few weeks in court hearings, end-of-year school projects/book reports, chasing down paperwork from my doctors confirming I can't go back to work, applications for financial assistance,  and preparing for my disability hearing!

       As you know, I can't return to work because my surgeons don't feel comfortable releasing me, seeing as how my left arm and left leg were crushed and are now being held together with bubble gum and some shoe string!!!  Ok, well, they're held together with titanium, actually, but there's a lot of pins and screws in both! Anyway, I haven't worked since December of 2011, and got my last paycheck in January 2012!!! I would love nothing more than to go back to work; I miss taking care of my patients and seeing my friends at work! But more than that, I miss having MONEY!!!
       When I began my job at the hospital, I was still married to my ex-husband. I won't say his name...instead, we'll use my nickname for him, "the antidote to fun" (spontaneous laughter and fun always came to an abrupt end when he entered a room) . Anyway, the antidote to fun had a job with health insurance and benefits, which we were already on. When I started at the hospital, if I didn't take the benefits, the pay was $5 more an hour, so he didn't want me to take the benefits. I remained on his insurance and I was without any benefits, including health insurance, life insurance, 401K, ad any insurance that may have reimbursed me for injuries and given me the ability to continue paying 

my house note and other bills after my accident, like Aflac. After we got separated, I tried to go during open enrollment and enroll in benefits, but I was a night nurse and I was working all 3 nights that the benefit enrollment was going on in the day. Needless to say, I was unable to enroll at that time. I tried calling the people in charge of it, but, of course, they didn't return my calls!!! Because of this, I didn't have benefits or my own health insurance when I had my accident. Fortunately, my ex-husband kept me on his insurance after the accident because our divorce wasn't final yet, and he knew I would need more surgeries.  He was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, so
this was uncharacteristically nice of him. I really appreciated his keeping me on the insurance,
because that allowed me to have the surgery that released my contracted arm that was frozen in one position, and allowed me to bend my arm again!

       My mom and sister began the application process for disability and any other type of assistance available within weeks after my accident. I was in and out of consciousness, but they were nice enough to fill out the applications as best they could and send them off. I was denied disability the first time I applied. I got a social security attorney and he told me that it was common practice for
social security to deny everyone the first time they apply. When you're denied disability/SSI, you can appeal. The appeal involves attending a hearing and presenting paperwork from doctors stating you're unable to return to work because of your limitations. My hearing is this Thursday, so please everyone-say a little prayer for me!

       I have also applied for food stamps, TANF and any other available funds. I HATE the idea that I have to go this extreme, but I have no income and 3 kids to take care of! My ex-husband and I share custody 50/50, so I do not get child support. Knowing I have no income, he texted me a few weeks ago to let me know that our oldest daughter picked out a $300 dress for a dance, and my half was $150. My reply was "I have no money, and sadly, I can't pull it out my ass! Where would you like me to get it?". He has an "it's not my problem" attitude, and that's fine because it's not his problem! However, I was with him for 18 yrs., married to him for 14 yrs. As the mother of his children, and as the woman who endured his verbal, emotional and physical abuse, that should count for something, like a little slack! If I don't have it, I don't have it! 

       It floors me that I always get behind people in line at the grocery store who pull out their Louisiana purchase cards; they appear perfectly capable of working, have no apparent disabilities or conditions that preclude them from working! Many of these people talk to you while you're in line, and they let you know that they're not working and have never worked for any substantial amount of time! How is it that they are able to take advantage of all these funds that are supposed available to those in NEED, while I, a formerly productive member of the workforce, who has had 14 surgeries over the last year, had to re-learn to walk, and regain use of my left arm and hand, get denied?!? I worked...I paid my taxes and paid into all the state programs that I desperately need right now, and for which I have been repeatedly turned down, while my poor fiancé works his ass off as a firefighter to pay for our food and all other expenses?!? It's not fair! It's almost as if you need to be born into a family who is already on Medicaid, foodstamps, and any other assistance for you to automatically be accepted! It's like "oh, your parents are on assistance? Ok, sign here and your benefits will be in the mail!". I hate asking for help. I hate having to apply for these things. I hate having to admit to myself and everyone else that I can't take care of myself and my kids financially. Logically, I know I'm unable to do those things I could do before!!! But then there's that part of me, the hard-headed, pain in the ass part who believes she can do anything, and it's hard telling that part of me "you can't go
back to work! You have to sit this one out!".

       The moral of the story is this; PLAN AHEAD! What happened to us can happen to anyone.  We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to any one of you...imagine what type of help you would need, what kind of justice would you want? I cannot stress this enough! What would you have to fall back on if you could no longer work? Who would take care of your children in the event that you were badly injured, or, God forbid, you should die?

        I took the stand and conveyed our story so the court would understand what impact this tragedy had on our family. I was speaking up for all of us moms who drive the streets, night or day, running errands with our babies in the car, while drunk drivers carelessly weave in and out of traffic, endangering us and everyone else on the street. In the weeks to come, I will be passing along information about our legislators and what we need to do to make the changes that will protect us and our children, so please be sure to watch our blog. Drunk driving laws MUST change so that none of you ever have to go through this, and it needs to change ASAP!!! One person CAN make a difference! Until then, please pray that I am able to get some type of assistance until I'm able to find an alternate income. I will keep everyone posted about my disability hearing. If anyone needs any advice or questions regarding types of assistance available, please feel free to ask! If I don't have the answer, I'll do what I can to find the answer! Have a good night all!

Monique's Friday Update, etc

Friday-donations-are-keeping-me-afloat-and-cycling-rocks-Update!