Amy- Sooooo tired of fighting!!!

       I'm tired of this nightmare...can I wake up now? Or at least switch to one with an easier theme, like being chased by satan and his rabid hounds of hell?!? I have been drowning these last few weeks in court hearings, end-of-year school projects/book reports, chasing down paperwork from my doctors confirming I can't go back to work, applications for financial assistance,  and preparing for my disability hearing!

       As you know, I can't return to work because my surgeons don't feel comfortable releasing me, seeing as how my left arm and left leg were crushed and are now being held together with bubble gum and some shoe string!!!  Ok, well, they're held together with titanium, actually, but there's a lot of pins and screws in both! Anyway, I haven't worked since December of 2011, and got my last paycheck in January 2012!!! I would love nothing more than to go back to work; I miss taking care of my patients and seeing my friends at work! But more than that, I miss having MONEY!!!
       When I began my job at the hospital, I was still married to my ex-husband. I won't say his name...instead, we'll use my nickname for him, "the antidote to fun" (spontaneous laughter and fun always came to an abrupt end when he entered a room) . Anyway, the antidote to fun had a job with health insurance and benefits, which we were already on. When I started at the hospital, if I didn't take the benefits, the pay was $5 more an hour, so he didn't want me to take the benefits. I remained on his insurance and I was without any benefits, including health insurance, life insurance, 401K, ad any insurance that may have reimbursed me for injuries and given me the ability to continue paying 

my house note and other bills after my accident, like Aflac. After we got separated, I tried to go during open enrollment and enroll in benefits, but I was a night nurse and I was working all 3 nights that the benefit enrollment was going on in the day. Needless to say, I was unable to enroll at that time. I tried calling the people in charge of it, but, of course, they didn't return my calls!!! Because of this, I didn't have benefits or my own health insurance when I had my accident. Fortunately, my ex-husband kept me on his insurance after the accident because our divorce wasn't final yet, and he knew I would need more surgeries.  He was verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, so
this was uncharacteristically nice of him. I really appreciated his keeping me on the insurance,
because that allowed me to have the surgery that released my contracted arm that was frozen in one position, and allowed me to bend my arm again!

       My mom and sister began the application process for disability and any other type of assistance available within weeks after my accident. I was in and out of consciousness, but they were nice enough to fill out the applications as best they could and send them off. I was denied disability the first time I applied. I got a social security attorney and he told me that it was common practice for
social security to deny everyone the first time they apply. When you're denied disability/SSI, you can appeal. The appeal involves attending a hearing and presenting paperwork from doctors stating you're unable to return to work because of your limitations. My hearing is this Thursday, so please everyone-say a little prayer for me!

       I have also applied for food stamps, TANF and any other available funds. I HATE the idea that I have to go this extreme, but I have no income and 3 kids to take care of! My ex-husband and I share custody 50/50, so I do not get child support. Knowing I have no income, he texted me a few weeks ago to let me know that our oldest daughter picked out a $300 dress for a dance, and my half was $150. My reply was "I have no money, and sadly, I can't pull it out my ass! Where would you like me to get it?". He has an "it's not my problem" attitude, and that's fine because it's not his problem! However, I was with him for 18 yrs., married to him for 14 yrs. As the mother of his children, and as the woman who endured his verbal, emotional and physical abuse, that should count for something, like a little slack! If I don't have it, I don't have it! 

       It floors me that I always get behind people in line at the grocery store who pull out their Louisiana purchase cards; they appear perfectly capable of working, have no apparent disabilities or conditions that preclude them from working! Many of these people talk to you while you're in line, and they let you know that they're not working and have never worked for any substantial amount of time! How is it that they are able to take advantage of all these funds that are supposed available to those in NEED, while I, a formerly productive member of the workforce, who has had 14 surgeries over the last year, had to re-learn to walk, and regain use of my left arm and hand, get denied?!? I worked...I paid my taxes and paid into all the state programs that I desperately need right now, and for which I have been repeatedly turned down, while my poor fiancé works his ass off as a firefighter to pay for our food and all other expenses?!? It's not fair! It's almost as if you need to be born into a family who is already on Medicaid, foodstamps, and any other assistance for you to automatically be accepted! It's like "oh, your parents are on assistance? Ok, sign here and your benefits will be in the mail!". I hate asking for help. I hate having to apply for these things. I hate having to admit to myself and everyone else that I can't take care of myself and my kids financially. Logically, I know I'm unable to do those things I could do before!!! But then there's that part of me, the hard-headed, pain in the ass part who believes she can do anything, and it's hard telling that part of me "you can't go
back to work! You have to sit this one out!".

       The moral of the story is this; PLAN AHEAD! What happened to us can happen to anyone.  We were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to any one of you...imagine what type of help you would need, what kind of justice would you want? I cannot stress this enough! What would you have to fall back on if you could no longer work? Who would take care of your children in the event that you were badly injured, or, God forbid, you should die?

        I took the stand and conveyed our story so the court would understand what impact this tragedy had on our family. I was speaking up for all of us moms who drive the streets, night or day, running errands with our babies in the car, while drunk drivers carelessly weave in and out of traffic, endangering us and everyone else on the street. In the weeks to come, I will be passing along information about our legislators and what we need to do to make the changes that will protect us and our children, so please be sure to watch our blog. Drunk driving laws MUST change so that none of you ever have to go through this, and it needs to change ASAP!!! One person CAN make a difference! Until then, please pray that I am able to get some type of assistance until I'm able to find an alternate income. I will keep everyone posted about my disability hearing. If anyone needs any advice or questions regarding types of assistance available, please feel free to ask! If I don't have the answer, I'll do what I can to find the answer! Have a good night all!