Jenny- Not Giving Up...Not Giving In..

Today I wanted to talk about some of the not so rosy side of dealing with this stuff.  It's the SETBACKS.  I've tried at least 35 heart medications in 10 years, I've had 5 heart docs, and within 13 months, I've had 8 surgeries.  So I've spent 13 months either waiting for the next surgery, having surgery, or rehabing from surgery. I always had waiting time in between to wonder if I had a chance to get better.  It's the hardest part of living with chronic problems.  The waiting, not knowing if you are making the right call with a particular problem. It's not that these setbacks don't upset us. WE just don't wallow in our grief.  WE do SOMETHING. I just have learned over the years to move on and face the problem head on. No time for complaining. Only time for action and fighting back.

Life is about CHOICES.  I don't take anything for granted anymore.  From something funny my kids say to me to getting to hug my husband after he's been working non stop.  No one knows when our last day will be here. Life is about spending time with those we love and making sure everyone in our lives knows exactly how we feel about them. I'm friends with people who I love, who have seen me in good times and bad times. Real, genuine, honest people who also have ups and downs. Life is about rolling with the punches and HELPING YOUR CREW (friends and family.)  I wanted to write on this blog with my two amazing friends to give back a little. To help educate the public on our causes and to answer questions people have asked of us.

A question I often get is why I push myself so hard.  It's because two little people are depending on me, it's because I want a life outside of heart disease. I choose to live and fight EVERY DAMN DAY.  Whatever needs to happen to keep me able to take care of my children and be a wife is what I will ALWAYS choose. Sometimes that means 2 hours a day in the gym.  Sometimes that means staying in bed and hardly moving.  But I will never give up.  Some things take a lot longer than I want them to take.  NOTHING WORTH HAVING IS EASY.  Last week I went to Spinning for a whole hour. A whole freaking hour.  After not stepping foot in the gym for 2 months it felt awesome. I smiled the whole time, amazed that this heart completed that goal.  My goal was to move enough to sweat. I accomplished that goal.  I try to surpass my goals.  I compete with myself.  Life is about choices and sometimes you have to CHOOSE TO BE SUCCESSFUL.

Sometimes I use other people's stories as motivation too.  After my open heart surgery I worked so hard to get my strength back.  My motivation was to be able to lift 100 pounds.  Why 100 pounds?  Because it was more than Monique weighed and I wanted to come to town and take care of her when she couldn't walk.  I had my open heart October 23rd and on New Year's Day I spent with Monique.  I accomplished my goal of seeing her and helping her get to therapy.  It was only for a day but it meant so much to me to see Monique's progress and my progress at the SAME time.  We were both in the ICU at the same time.  She made me push through the pain when my lung had been deflated to make room to operate on my heart.  Perky wrote me constantly offering her support and wisdom.  I couldn't have gotten those these times without the support of my family and my friends. So treat your people like GOLD because they are precious.

Of course I get frustrated and cry.  Yes, I get pissed that I didn't cause this heart issue but what does that solve? I don't say WHY ME?  I say WHY NOT ME?  God has a plan for all of us.  I must be strong enough to handle it.   When things happen I go after fixing the problem.  Which is exactly what Monique and Perky do too.  We always pick each other up. But all of us have SETBACKS.  We all mourn for the other one who is having a setback at that time.  Because that's what friends do.  You stay for the good times, you stay for the hard times, and you realize having the hard times make the good times even better.

When I was in the ICU after my open heart I had a chest tube and was in so much pain I was audibly sobbing.  My husband, my mother in law, my daughter and my friends were coming by later that day but at that moment I didn't have anyone with me. A kind lady who was there with her husband asked if she could come sit with me.  A stranger, her name was Lena.   I said yes.  She prayed with me, she held my hand, and got me through the most painful experience of my life.  She still writes me every month and I write her.  What a gift that such a sweet person took time out of her day to say such kind words to me.  I'll never forget her.  She CHOOSES everyday to wake up an be a light in someone's life.  To be a GENERATOR OF CHANGE. What a gift she is as a person and a human being.

We as a society need to get involved. If you see a child who needs help, or a person who looks like they are having the worse day ever be brave.  Step in.  Offer assistance when needed, offer a kind word.  Which is exactly why I choose to spend my spare time helping other heart patients.  I was given a gift and I survived.  Many others did not make it.  I choose to live a life of meaning and purpose.  I'm NOT BROKEN, I'm not defective.  I am BIONIC and full of TITANIUM and now my life is dedicated to helping other people get their lives back too.