Jenny-What a pacemaker install is like...with pictures..

Picture Day!!

On my off time I help heart patients going through surgery. Several of them have been asking for more information on pacemaker installations so here's my go to guide complete with pictures.  Dedicated to my new friend Ruby!

This is a copy of my pacemaker.  You get a owner's manual with your pacemaker installation and a copy of your pacemaker.  The outside shell is made of titanium.  It's very small considering what it does!

I needed a pacemaker 4 months following my open heart/sinus node modification.  I was going into heart failure and my only shot at having a normal life was getting a pacemaker.  My echocardiograms were getting bad and my ejection fraction was too high.  (EF for short.) It means the heart is not pumping properly. That's not a good thing.  My heartrate was about 30 and I couldn't get over 120 without fainting and not in the cool (slow fall way) in the drop like a rock and scare a bunch of people and break shit on the way down kind of way.   I was also passing out constantly.  I was at the gym minding my own business and lifting 120 pounds doing squats. Then the room started spinning and I went down.  By the time I called my friend Laura to come get me I had trouble getting into her car.  Then to walk into the ER about 20 feet felt like 5 miles.  I couldn't talk by the time I got to the hospital. I knew it was time to get a pacemaker.

People ask me if it was a hard decision.  No, it wasn't a hard decision.  If I didn't get my pacemaker when I did I would have died. If I went home without it I would have coded by myself or with the kids.  I wasn't going to let that happen.  So I stayed until they implanted Bob Marley into my chest!  I couldn't wash my hair without passing out by the time I got my pacemaker.  It's very weird to get your nurses to wash your hair when you are 35 but I had to do it because Jeremy was out of town and I need clean hair. Because apparently I couldn't move my arms and keep my heart rate normal.  If I swung my arms, moved my elbows, leaned over slightly I was gasping for air.  So it was either walk like a Irish Stepdancer or go back to the Operating Room with Dr. Mehdi Razavi, my wonder doc.  I chose the OR with the best doc I know.

So you go into the Operating room.  You lay on a table and they tie you down with velcro straps. They tie down your arms and tie you to the actual table. Then they clean one boob. Not both boobs. Just one side.  Which is kind of hilarious and a little awkward. It wasn't weird for me because I've been in that Operating Room so often I knew the techs by name.  They also clean into your neck.  But you are awake so you feel the need to make small talk with the techs.  Or maybe that's just me. They have to cover your face too to keep germs out of the incision. So you have a blue tarp over your face. It's actually resting on a little metal thing so the tarp isn't touching your face. So you get to stare at blue tarp while they are working.  But you can talk to your doc.  It's a great time to ask really personal questions.  Just kidding.  I would NEVER do that. They have a guy (or girl) from the pacemaker company sitting at a laptop in the operating room programming your robot functions.  SO I was telling them I want to run SUPER fast and BREATHE like a normal person and JUMP really high.  They may or may not have thought I was serious. They probably thought it was THE DRUGS.  But it wasn't. It was just me and my need to make jokes in weird situations.  It's also very hard to NOT yell "Surprise or Peek-A-Boo" when they peek at you under the sheet.

Before my surgery the blood in my heart was going backwards. So my face and legs were swollen.  I was super exhausted and I couldn't walk and breathe at the same time. I looked like this...Yes, I know I look tired and puffy.  Not my best look.  But it's the truth.. This is what happens when you have a funky heart. No, I'm not wearing a hospital gown. Because I hate them and it's the one ounce of rebelliousness I get in the hospital.  I only wear them on my way to surgery. That's it. My rule.

I took this picture right after I could stand up for the first time since the surgery. I was super excited because I could breathe and stand at the same time. Then the xray tech came in to take a picture of my device and my leads. It's very important to know where your leads are located so you don't crush them. I couldn't see the display so I asked him to take a picture of the xray.

I have Medtronic Revo Pacemaker MRI Safe pacemaker. It's Bi-ventricular so I have two leads which are screwed into my heart. Most pacemakers are not screwed in.  I guess they don't trust me.  It's super important not to rip my leads so I try not to pickup small people (or large people) if I can help it.  But I can carry Mason.  I can do lots of things I couldn't do before the surgery. Like climb stairs. Try to contain your excitement!  I'm pretty excited about it.

My incision was glued shut. So it looked like this about a week after the surgery.  See my face is less swollen! Some bruising and definitely bloody, gory looking.  I didn't anticipate how sore I would be in bras so my friend Chris built me a pad for my bra. She's an amazing seamstress and she said it wasn't the weirdest thing she ever made.  Which really makes me wonder what else she has sewn! I think I probably scared some people when I went out.  But you aren't supposed to cover it and you can't bend your arm enough to get a regular t-shirt on. So I bought a bunch of v-neck shirts that were stretchy and used a lot of hoodies. You have to put a shirt on with the pacemaker side first and you can only bend that side like a chicken wing.  So your fashion options are limited. Ha Ha. You also cannot lift your arm above your shoulder for 6 weeks...

They velcro your arm down after the surgery so you don't forget and use that arm before it's healed. This part is very important because you need your pacemaker to settle into place and form scar tissue to secure the leads in place. This shoulder harness thing is very confusing to the public because everyone will think you had shoulder surgery and not that you became a robot.  So you'll have a lot of explaining to do when you leave the house! My arm was tied down all the time for a week or two then only at night.  Not using your arm is harder than it seems. Try cutting your food with one arm.  It's not easy.

The one thing I didn't think about immediately after was bras.  But you have to wear a bra with a pacemaker if you are a girl.  You need a really strong one like this Panache sports bra to limit movement. If you don't wear a bra it feels like your pacemaker is moving too much at first and it's uncomfortable.  Also your boobs moving makes your pacemaker think you are working out.  Yeah, who knew? I got reprogrammed so I'm not using the rate-response function so much anymore.  If you are using that function the pacemaker sees every movement as a trigger to turn on and off. So riding in a car without a bra was suffocating me, because my pacemaker thought I was working out.  I couldn't breathe going up stairs until I "clicked" on which meant I was hopping up and down before I climbed stairs. Which doesn't look exactly normal. But since April was with me we looked like we were trying some new dance move.  It sadly did not catch on. So we got reprogrammed to pace with our atrium.  So we both pace 99% of the time. We also bypass our junctional rhythms. When you hit junctional you feel like you got kicked in the throat.  It's NOT awesome. So it's pretty amazing we can program our way out of dealing with it.  Our pacemakers let us get one beat into a funky junctional rhythm then they take over.  We mess up 99% of the time. So we're only 1% awesome on our own. Yeah for the 1%!

I also didn't realize that riding in a car would be uncomfortable because of where the seatbelt hits your shoulder. So this is my driving turtle. Yes, I sometimes yeah sparkle nail polish. Don't judge me. I use "turtle" when I drive to make my seatbelt more cushiony unless my kids steal it. In which case I use anything I can find in my car.  Sure I look goofy but we all know that's not the first time I've looked goofy.  So I'm going with it.

In other news our daughter graduated from Kindergarten this week!  Yeah Ava!  Such a bright and beautiful girl!  So proud of you honeybee!

Before I had a pacemaker I saw terrible, scary pictures online that were of people's scars.  But getting a pacemaker when you are young is completely different from getting one as an older person. Mine doesn't really stick out. It looks like I got involved in a "minor stabbing." Just think of all the money you can save when people don't make you pay for stuff because you look dangerous.  Look on the bright side, if you get one then you too can be a cyborg.  You can set off theft deterrent systems in stores, and all the alarms go off for your arrival at your location.  It's kinda awesome. So in honor of Ava's Graduation I have now provided you with a picture book blog of pacemakers. You are welcome.